theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
