he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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