i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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