I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
