Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
