the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
