So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
