I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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