Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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