I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
