your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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