No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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