singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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