Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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