you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
