Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
