I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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