he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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