Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
