i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
