I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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