you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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