can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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