I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
