Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
false alarm, still single
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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