margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
