Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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