I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
