Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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