Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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