I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
