They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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