tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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