Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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