what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize