Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
