Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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