Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
