just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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