My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
