took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
