Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
