he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
