okay pat passed out under dana's car
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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