The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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