I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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