She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
