I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
