don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
