dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
