I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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