allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
