What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
