I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
