I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
