I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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