I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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