and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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