Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
