I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
