he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
