I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize