Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
