bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
