HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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