So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
