he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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