Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
