Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My life is pants optional.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
