My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
