just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
