if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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