I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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